A list of randomnities

So I may have had one or two cocktails too many last night (read 10 cocktails too many), and now I'm sitting here trying to get some work done but my brain is simply unable to compute the large amount of data I have in front of me. After spending some time on the best time waster ever, I decided to compile some anecdotes, facts, and thoughts I've come across over the past few days.

1) T-Billz and I were on our way back from Cottageville (where the cocktail indulging took place) in our gold rented Chevy Cobalt listening to Big Girls Don't Cry when we decided that we should try to find a place to buy new fishes (fishi for the real enthusiast) for our aquarium. After getting lost and ending up at some distribution center in Nowhere, Ontario, (dumb and dummer here were too busy on their Blackberries to pay attention to where they were going) we found the place and got down to business: selecting fishi that will impress girls when they come to our place. Let's be honest, that's the only reason we got the aquarium. After 45 of the most unpleasant minutes ever - spent in a dark, humid store with 40 year olds who still live with their parents so they can afford to splurge on their fish tanks surrounding our impatient and hungover selves - we finally paid for our new friends and we soon realized that the amount of money we've put into the aquarium is getting a little out of hand. I later realized that we could have sponsored about 10 African children for an entire year with the money we've put in over the past 4 months. That made me feel bad. But then I remembered that I donated a camel, a goat, AND a chicken to three families through an awesome program a few months ago. I don't feel bad about the aquarium anymore, and unless you've donated a camel in the past 12 months, you can't judge us, so F-off.

2) Been off coffee for about three weeks now. My stomach no longer feels like the ozone layer in the '90s and I've regained the sense of taste. I like it. How do I keep the energy up through endless hours and the office? I keep a few boxes of Fig Newtons at my desk at all times and go for two of those bad boys every hour all day. They are great while you're on conference calls because they are soft cookies so no one can hear what you're doing. BTW - I don't like the new boxes with the sticky resealable tab because you need two hands to get the cookies out. I would really rather be able to keep plugging away at my Excel model AND grab the cookies at the same time. NOTE TO SELF: draft and send a stern worded business letter to Nabisco to express my discontent with the new packaging.

3) The Bomber had a phenomenal idea a few months ago, and I'm pretty sure we are going to pursue it. He suggested that we should get a group of five guys (girls are allowed, but they are usually smart enough not to get involved in stupid ventures like this) and purchase a race horse that we would enter at Woodbine. We will now be accepting name suggestions for the horse. I personally like Leaping Dragon.

4) Good idea for a website. Hide a camera in a bunch of hot girls' hair and film what they see when they go out to clubs. The website: www.watchidiotsuselinesfromthegametohitonbabe.com

5) Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry is the most soothing song when hungover. Close second: I Saw the sign by Ace of Base.

6) On Oct. 11, 2007, newly re-elected Ontario Premier proclaimed the third Monday of February to be Ontario Family Day. On October 22, 2007, the Young Bucks contributors proclaimed the second Friday & Saturday and the third Monday of February to be We're Going to Vegas long weekend.

7) Gargle rhymes with apple. No arguments here.

8) When using the expression "until the cows come home", people are referring to Oct. 23, 2011

9) It's perfectly normal for roommates to play with remote control cars together. Stop judging us and deal with it.

10) Don't get the soft tacos or the fish 'n chips at the Loose Moose. Thanks to Carter's magic tricks, we received proprietary information about the menu from two young and easily impressed waitresses.

That's it for now, back to work...