Alright Santa,
Let's not beat around the bush. Even my neighbours deaf and blind dog (Yes, this is true; and no, his name isn't Tommy) knows that I haven't been the poster boy for everything that is humane and considered "nice" this year. You may even consider some of the things I've done borderline illegal, or in pure form- illegal. However, these foul acts have been overshadowed by better acts- I've saved and made people- whom I really don't even know- a ton of money in the short 8 months I've been employed at the firm. I'm sure these people have gone on to do very kind things- and in essence- I've helped them, financially, achieve these goals. Therefore, using simple logic, I deserve some special things this quarter.... I mean year.
So without further ado- (or is it adieu? or a due? I'll check into this) The Count's christmas list.
1. World Peace (aside- This is really only to bump the probability of receiving the other things on the list- I mean everyone knows that Santa can't just fucking give away World Peace- what's next? Enron coming back?)
2. A blog entry from T-Billz.
He does exist, I think I've met him once or twice. He must be really busy at work. Busier than the rest of us bucks- which you may or may not believe- is actually quite busy.
3. More airings of MXC and less airings of Dr. Phil, Oprah, The Amazing Race, The Bachelor, actually- If you could create a network that only airs hockey, baseball and football games, MXC, Hell's Kitchen, BNN, and maybe The Hills for B.O.O, 24/7, that'd be feasible. (Aside, I wonder if Bowl knew his acronym is BOO?).
4. A new car
5. Jessica Biel.
If she's unavailable, gimme Britney- I KNOW she's available. Why, you ask? I figure it'll get me that extra bit closer to punching what's his face right in it.
6. Our IT chick, Anna(real name), to get absolutely nothing at all.
Does anybody else get pissed off when these "experts" tell you that it's "harmful" to drag icons onto the desktop, or not shut down your laptop properly? HOW? and who the fuck cares? They get replaced every 6-8 months anyways!
7. Some new gold cufflinks,
I lent my other ones to some investment banker and he never gave them back.
That's pretty much it, my new years resolution is to make more people more money- so if everything goes as planned- I'll be much more selfish (but also much more deserving) next year. Life will be great in 2008. Until then, may your stockings be crisply ironed, and your egg nog considerably strengthened.
Cheers to you and yours,
Merry Xmas,
The 'Count.
Let's not beat around the bush. Even my neighbours deaf and blind dog (Yes, this is true; and no, his name isn't Tommy) knows that I haven't been the poster boy for everything that is humane and considered "nice" this year. You may even consider some of the things I've done borderline illegal, or in pure form- illegal. However, these foul acts have been overshadowed by better acts- I've saved and made people- whom I really don't even know- a ton of money in the short 8 months I've been employed at the firm. I'm sure these people have gone on to do very kind things- and in essence- I've helped them, financially, achieve these goals. Therefore, using simple logic, I deserve some special things this quarter.... I mean year.
So without further ado- (or is it adieu? or a due? I'll check into this) The Count's christmas list.
1. World Peace (aside- This is really only to bump the probability of receiving the other things on the list- I mean everyone knows that Santa can't just fucking give away World Peace- what's next? Enron coming back?)
2. A blog entry from T-Billz.
He does exist, I think I've met him once or twice. He must be really busy at work. Busier than the rest of us bucks- which you may or may not believe- is actually quite busy.
3. More airings of MXC and less airings of Dr. Phil, Oprah, The Amazing Race, The Bachelor, actually- If you could create a network that only airs hockey, baseball and football games, MXC, Hell's Kitchen, BNN, and maybe The Hills for B.O.O, 24/7, that'd be feasible. (Aside, I wonder if Bowl knew his acronym is BOO?).
4. A new car
5. Jessica Biel.
If she's unavailable, gimme Britney- I KNOW she's available. Why, you ask? I figure it'll get me that extra bit closer to punching what's his face right in it.
6. Our IT chick, Anna(real name), to get absolutely nothing at all.
Does anybody else get pissed off when these "experts" tell you that it's "harmful" to drag icons onto the desktop, or not shut down your laptop properly? HOW? and who the fuck cares? They get replaced every 6-8 months anyways!
7. Some new gold cufflinks,
I lent my other ones to some investment banker and he never gave them back.
That's pretty much it, my new years resolution is to make more people more money- so if everything goes as planned- I'll be much more selfish (but also much more deserving) next year. Life will be great in 2008. Until then, may your stockings be crisply ironed, and your egg nog considerably strengthened.
Cheers to you and yours,
Merry Xmas,
The 'Count.
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